Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:18-25 ESV)
We came to the passage above where it exposed the first wedding ever in human history, and this passage has become a famous story not just because it has been quoted many times in wedding ceremony, but also indeed because you can't understand the storyline of the Bible unless you understand something about marriage. It is because the Bible begins with this marriage soon after God created Adam and Eve, and at the end in Revelation, it ends with a marriage too - the wedding supper of the lamb.
Now the passage starts off with something that is not good (verse 18). We need to know that this event was before sin entered into this world, where everything is a paradise - so how come that God says "it is not good" ? Everything that happen so far we read in Genesis 1, day after day, at the end of each day God said "it was good" - Everything that God created was good. Now, to understand this we need to understand also that Genesis 2:4-25 is a detailed description of what happen on the sixth day in Genesis 1. Moses focus was on the creation of humanity, and so it is like a zoom to what happen on the sixth day. God said that it was not good, because He has not finished yet with His work on the sixth day - at this time it was not yet reached Genesis 1 verse 31 chronologically. It was not good, not because there is anything in itself that was less than good or less than perfect, because everything that God creates is perfect and everything that had been created was good; but because man's circumstance in the creation was not yet complete, and of course it could not be good until it was complete. For God to says things are very good requires it not just to be perfect, but also to be complete - and that completion required God to fashion a woman as a helper suitable for Adam.
It was not good because Adam is alone, and God was about to do something here, which is to make Eve for Adam as a helper suitable for him. Now what we are going to see is the first wedding ever happen in human history which Moses wrote several years ago. But before that notice 2 important truth in this verse 18 about marriage:
First is that: it is God who initiates, designs and defines the marriage. This truth has a profound meaning in marriage. It means that God knows best how marriage should be. Only by following God’s word we could find a satisfying marriage. Since it is God who design it, marriage involves three beings: God, man and woman. Marriage is not just between man and woman, or man and man, or woman and woman, or man with a group of woman, or woman with a group of man, but God, man and woman.
See the picture below to describe marriage relationship:
Christian Marriage has been described as a triangle with God at the top: the closer each partner moves to God, the closer they move toward each other; and so the further they move away from God, the further they move from each other. We see this pattern as soon as sin entered into this world, what is happening is Adam was blaming Eve, they alienate each other because they move away from God. Look on our surroundings, so many divorce happen because either man or woman move away from God. Broken marriages always involve at least one partner moving away from God. This is why also that the Bible never supports a believer to marry unbeliever. So the starting place in having a marriage according to God’s design is genuine conversion and a daily walk with God.
Second, God defines woman as a helper suitable for man. The world may perceive and see the role of a helper to be something as a lower class citizen or something inferior. The world sees it as a maid to a landlord, or slave to a king or an employer to a boss. But the bible never see “a helper” to be a lower class citizen. In fact, the word “helper” is a strong word. Jesus said in Matthew 20:25-26 “...You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Look also on verse like Psalm 70:5 - In Old testament this particular hebrew word was often used to describe God Himself (a helper). In New testament look on John 14:6,26 and John 15:26 where Holy Spirit is described as a another helper - just like Jesus Himself. So a “helper” in this context means one who supplies what is lacking in another person. God created Eve (woman) to do what Adam (man) cannot do by himself. Unless we think of God as inferior because He is our Helper, we cannot think of woman as man’s inferior because she is man’s helper. Woman is in an exalted, God like position of being exactly what man needs to become himself (Genesis 1:27 - man and female are both image of God).
Now when we read on the next verse (verse 19), we would expect that God would create Eve straight away, but no, God instead brought to Adam all kinds of animal to exercise his authority, his creativity and wisdom. It is important to know that “Naming” is a task which exercise authority over it. Look on the example of Genesis 1:5 in particular where God called it day and night, even the whole account of creation, God names all of them which shows us God’s authority over all creation. But why not God creates Eve, instead He trained Adam? I guess we see here one of the example where the Bible shown to us God’s wisdom is higher than what we often thought. God’s doing to Adam achieved 2 things: that God prepared Adam by training him, and God waits until the man realise his need for companionship. God sometimes wait for us to realise and endure our needs before He bless us with his gift so that we appreciate it more. Adam named the animals, and he saw all the animals has its own pair, but for himself he did not find one match for him.
Then God caused a deep sleep to Adam, and God took one of his ribs and made it into a woman, and God brought her to the man. Then when Adam woke up, he saw Eve and he said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man”. Adam was very excited, with the appearance of Eve in front of him. He was saying it with such expressiveness and joyous astonishment. We see here that one of the reason God designed marriage is to meet our need for companionship. On the same note though, we should be attentive to idolatry. Idolatry is an act or worshipping anything but God. Our view of marriage as Tim Keller’s said might be corrupted with an idolatry mindset. Here is what he said:
“...there is (or can be) something so powerful about marriage, so fulfilling about marriage, that unless you deliberately stop it, this is what’s going to happen. You will look to your spouse to give you the things only God can really give you.
You will look to your spouse’s love, your spouse’s respect, your spouse’s affirmation, to give you meaning in life, and to give you a foundation for your own sense of value, all of the things you should only be getting from God. In other words, you will be looking to your spouse to save you. It’ll slip you back into the covenant of works (an old theological term for a system in which you earn your salvation through perfect performance).
In fact, you’ll be doing it unless you know you’re doing it and stop it, because marriage is this powerful a thing. It’s this attractive a thing. It’s this great a thing. “O Lord,” says John Newton, “save us from the wonderfulness of marriage.” If you do it (and we will do it, to some degree) … In fact, as I’ll show you in a minute, the idolatry happens even if your marriage is bad. No human relationship can bear the weight of those kinds of expectations.
You will crush your marriage with those expectations. Nobody can bear the weight of the expectations and the hopes of ultimate joy. The criticism of your spouse will crush you. The problems of your spouse will crush you. They will devastate you much more than they should, because you’re looking to your spouse and to marriage to save you, to make everything right in your life. Now there are a whole lot of ways this plays out. Let me just give you a couple.
When you’re married, the way it plays out is you just feel that your spouse isn’t perfect. “My marriage isn’t perfect, and I don’t like it.” You cannot live with imperfection. You can’t ever settle for anything other than this incredible picture you have in your mind of absolute blissful love. You have to have it, because you’re looking to it to give you what only God can give you. So when you’re not able to actually handle mediocrity in marriage, and you get all bent out of shape about the imperfections of your spouse and your marriage and refuse to be content with the good things you have, it’s idolatry.
How do unmarried people do it? There are a lot of ways. One of the ways unmarried people make an idol out of marriage and think it’s going to save them and fix them is by being incredibly picky as they evaluate spousal prospects. You say, “Oh, I want a marriage, and it’s going to be like this, and it’s going to be like this. This person has to be so this and this.” You’re looking for virtually perfect spousal prospects, but there aren’t any out there. And you’re not perfect spousal prospects. Hypocrite! You want something you’re not, and that’s idolatry.
...You have to promote your love for God. Otherwise, it’ll strangle you.” (Tim Keller)
We should love the Giver more than the gift itself. A gift is nothing without the Giver - and God is the giver who gave Eve to Adam. This is the condition before sin, and later on in Genesis 3 we will see that humanity started to love anything else better than God the source of blessing.
The next thing we can learn here is that Adam (man) was created first, and Eve (woman) is taken out of man. There is order here in the creation of humanity. Even we see that Adam is the one that gave a name to this another kind of creature that is like him but not the same - namely “woman”. Remember previously, we see that a work of “naming” things indicate authority. Man is created first and God actually gave the command to not eat the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to Adam (not Eve) - and all of this indicates who should held the responsibility between the two: which is the man. Man and woman are both image of God, woman is equal to man in status, but has different role to man. Man is the one who God held responsible to work and keep this world, to be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it, but man could not do it alone; man needs a helper. Man is not higher than woman; the same way woman is not higher than man. Paul describes in his letter in Ephesians 5 on the role of man and wife as a husband and wife, that wife has to submit willingly to her husband as a voluntary response to God's will--it's a willingness to give up her rights to an ordained authority, in this case to her own husband. Likewise husband ought not to treat his wife as a slave but instead has to show his sacrificial love to her even if it cost his life just like what Christ did with His church.
Marriage is more than love, it is a commitment. Moses added his own note there in the end of the passage, that a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. There is an act of leaving and cleaving so that they shall be one flesh. Man has to leave any influence or other authority that may affect this new family and cleave (hold fast or united) with his wife. In a marriage, man and woman primary responsibility are towards each other - husband and wife relationship is more than parent-child relationship or any other kind of relationship.
Lastly, Marriage is not the end in itself - there is more in marriage; God’s design for marriage is not just to fulfil our needs for companionship. There is far greater truth of why God designed marriage, marriage (as mentioned in the beginning) has an eschatological aspect, and we will discuss this on the next article. For now, to end this article, let us reflect once again: Are we growing deeper in companionship with your mate? Do we pursue God in our marriage or are we pursuing our own selves? By God’s grace, let us put our commitment so that we can have a marriage that honors God by following His word as He is the one who design marriage.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Paul
Next: Marriage: an illustration of Gospel
1. http://www.monergism.com/first-wedding-day-%E2%80%93-genesis-218-252. http://www.gty.org/resources/articles/A203/?term=genesis%202
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:18-25 ESV)
We came to the passage above where it exposed the first wedding ever in human history, and this passage has become a famous story not just because it has been quoted many times in wedding ceremony, but also indeed because you can't understand the storyline of the Bible unless you understand something about marriage. It is because the Bible begins with this marriage soon after God created Adam and Eve, and at the end in Revelation, it ends with a marriage too - the wedding supper of the lamb.
Now the passage starts off with something that is not good (verse 18). We need to know that this event was before sin entered into this world, where everything is a paradise - so how come that God says "it is not good" ? Everything that happen so far we read in Genesis 1, day after day, at the end of each day God said "it was good" - Everything that God created was good. Now, to understand this we need to understand also that Genesis 2:4-25 is a detailed description of what happen on the sixth day in Genesis 1. Moses focus was on the creation of humanity, and so it is like a zoom to what happen on the sixth day. God said that it was not good, because He has not finished yet with His work on the sixth day - at this time it was not yet reached Genesis 1 verse 31 chronologically. It was not good, not because there is anything in itself that was less than good or less than perfect, because everything that God creates is perfect and everything that had been created was good; but because man's circumstance in the creation was not yet complete, and of course it could not be good until it was complete. For God to says things are very good requires it not just to be perfect, but also to be complete - and that completion required God to fashion a woman as a helper suitable for Adam.
It was not good because Adam is alone, and God was about to do something here, which is to make Eve for Adam as a helper suitable for him. Now what we are going to see is the first wedding ever happen in human history which Moses wrote several years ago. But before that notice 2 important truth in this verse 18 about marriage:
First is that: it is God who initiates, designs and defines the marriage. This truth has a profound meaning in marriage. It means that God knows best how marriage should be. Only by following God’s word we could find a satisfying marriage. Since it is God who design it, marriage involves three beings: God, man and woman. Marriage is not just between man and woman, or man and man, or woman and woman, or man with a group of woman, or woman with a group of man, but God, man and woman.
See the picture below to describe marriage relationship:
 |
| Christian Marriage Relationship |
Second, God defines woman as a helper suitable for man. The world may perceive and see the role of a helper to be something as a lower class citizen or something inferior. The world sees it as a maid to a landlord, or slave to a king or an employer to a boss. But the bible never see “a helper” to be a lower class citizen. In fact, the word “helper” is a strong word. Jesus said in Matthew 20:25-26 “...You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Look also on verse like Psalm 70:5 - In Old testament this particular hebrew word was often used to describe God Himself (a helper). In New testament look on John 14:6,26 and John 15:26 where Holy Spirit is described as a another helper - just like Jesus Himself. So a “helper” in this context means one who supplies what is lacking in another person. God created Eve (woman) to do what Adam (man) cannot do by himself. Unless we think of God as inferior because He is our Helper, we cannot think of woman as man’s inferior because she is man’s helper. Woman is in an exalted, God like position of being exactly what man needs to become himself (Genesis 1:27 - man and female are both image of God).
Now when we read on the next verse (verse 19), we would expect that God would create Eve straight away, but no, God instead brought to Adam all kinds of animal to exercise his authority, his creativity and wisdom. It is important to know that “Naming” is a task which exercise authority over it. Look on the example of Genesis 1:5 in particular where God called it day and night, even the whole account of creation, God names all of them which shows us God’s authority over all creation. But why not God creates Eve, instead He trained Adam? I guess we see here one of the example where the Bible shown to us God’s wisdom is higher than what we often thought. God’s doing to Adam achieved 2 things: that God prepared Adam by training him, and God waits until the man realise his need for companionship. God sometimes wait for us to realise and endure our needs before He bless us with his gift so that we appreciate it more. Adam named the animals, and he saw all the animals has its own pair, but for himself he did not find one match for him.
Then God caused a deep sleep to Adam, and God took one of his ribs and made it into a woman, and God brought her to the man. Then when Adam woke up, he saw Eve and he said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man”. Adam was very excited, with the appearance of Eve in front of him. He was saying it with such expressiveness and joyous astonishment. We see here that one of the reason God designed marriage is to meet our need for companionship. On the same note though, we should be attentive to idolatry. Idolatry is an act or worshipping anything but God. Our view of marriage as Tim Keller’s said might be corrupted with an idolatry mindset. Here is what he said:
“...there is (or can be) something so powerful about marriage, so fulfilling about marriage, that unless you deliberately stop it, this is what’s going to happen. You will look to your spouse to give you the things only God can really give you.
You will look to your spouse’s love, your spouse’s respect, your spouse’s affirmation, to give you meaning in life, and to give you a foundation for your own sense of value, all of the things you should only be getting from God. In other words, you will be looking to your spouse to save you. It’ll slip you back into the covenant of works (an old theological term for a system in which you earn your salvation through perfect performance).
In fact, you’ll be doing it unless you know you’re doing it and stop it, because marriage is this powerful a thing. It’s this attractive a thing. It’s this great a thing. “O Lord,” says John Newton, “save us from the wonderfulness of marriage.” If you do it (and we will do it, to some degree) … In fact, as I’ll show you in a minute, the idolatry happens even if your marriage is bad. No human relationship can bear the weight of those kinds of expectations.
You will crush your marriage with those expectations. Nobody can bear the weight of the expectations and the hopes of ultimate joy. The criticism of your spouse will crush you. The problems of your spouse will crush you. They will devastate you much more than they should, because you’re looking to your spouse and to marriage to save you, to make everything right in your life. Now there are a whole lot of ways this plays out. Let me just give you a couple.
When you’re married, the way it plays out is you just feel that your spouse isn’t perfect. “My marriage isn’t perfect, and I don’t like it.” You cannot live with imperfection. You can’t ever settle for anything other than this incredible picture you have in your mind of absolute blissful love. You have to have it, because you’re looking to it to give you what only God can give you. So when you’re not able to actually handle mediocrity in marriage, and you get all bent out of shape about the imperfections of your spouse and your marriage and refuse to be content with the good things you have, it’s idolatry.
How do unmarried people do it? There are a lot of ways. One of the ways unmarried people make an idol out of marriage and think it’s going to save them and fix them is by being incredibly picky as they evaluate spousal prospects. You say, “Oh, I want a marriage, and it’s going to be like this, and it’s going to be like this. This person has to be so this and this.” You’re looking for virtually perfect spousal prospects, but there aren’t any out there. And you’re not perfect spousal prospects. Hypocrite! You want something you’re not, and that’s idolatry.
...You have to promote your love for God. Otherwise, it’ll strangle you.” (Tim Keller)
We should love the Giver more than the gift itself. A gift is nothing without the Giver - and God is the giver who gave Eve to Adam. This is the condition before sin, and later on in Genesis 3 we will see that humanity started to love anything else better than God the source of blessing.
The next thing we can learn here is that Adam (man) was created first, and Eve (woman) is taken out of man. There is order here in the creation of humanity. Even we see that Adam is the one that gave a name to this another kind of creature that is like him but not the same - namely “woman”. Remember previously, we see that a work of “naming” things indicate authority. Man is created first and God actually gave the command to not eat the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to Adam (not Eve) - and all of this indicates who should held the responsibility between the two: which is the man. Man and woman are both image of God, woman is equal to man in status, but has different role to man. Man is the one who God held responsible to work and keep this world, to be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it, but man could not do it alone; man needs a helper. Man is not higher than woman; the same way woman is not higher than man. Paul describes in his letter in Ephesians 5 on the role of man and wife as a husband and wife, that wife has to submit willingly to her husband as a voluntary response to God's will--it's a willingness to give up her rights to an ordained authority, in this case to her own husband. Likewise husband ought not to treat his wife as a slave but instead has to show his sacrificial love to her even if it cost his life just like what Christ did with His church.
Marriage is more than love, it is a commitment. Moses added his own note there in the end of the passage, that a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. There is an act of leaving and cleaving so that they shall be one flesh. Man has to leave any influence or other authority that may affect this new family and cleave (hold fast or united) with his wife. In a marriage, man and woman primary responsibility are towards each other - husband and wife relationship is more than parent-child relationship or any other kind of relationship.
Lastly, Marriage is not the end in itself - there is more in marriage; God’s design for marriage is not just to fulfil our needs for companionship. There is far greater truth of why God designed marriage, marriage (as mentioned in the beginning) has an eschatological aspect, and we will discuss this on the next article. For now, to end this article, let us reflect once again: Are we growing deeper in companionship with your mate? Do we pursue God in our marriage or are we pursuing our own selves? By God’s grace, let us put our commitment so that we can have a marriage that honors God by following His word as He is the one who design marriage.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Paul
Next: Marriage: an illustration of Gospel
1. http://www.monergism.com/first-wedding-day-%E2%80%93-genesis-218-252. http://www.gty.org/resources/articles/A203/?term=genesis%202
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